##### The Coostucky Chronicle ntoSepdosr9a79m3h1hf49i48c80626hgmh265aa15m99u7lu0hc08i99t1g ·
Tina Kotek Shocked To Learn Oregonians Have Windows
SALEM — Governor Tina Kotek was reportedly stunned this week after learning some Oregonians don’t love the current Oregon experience.
Staff said the confusion is understandable. Kotek has declared emergencies, extended emergencies, funded plans, formed groups, hired people, renamed things, and stood behind enough podiums to make a normal person assume something got fixed.
Then voters looked outside.
There were tents. Needles. Fees. Potholes. Failing schools. Tax bills. Stolen catalytic converters. And a state government acting like it just got here and found the place this way.
Kotek was especially surprised rural Oregon isn’t impressed, since Salem has made a real effort to mention “rural communities” before handing the keys back to Portland.
At this point, she might as well wear a NASCAR jacket covered in sponsor patches: Portland, PERS, DMV, ODOT, DEQ, “Stakeholders,” and some mystery nonprofit nobody voted for but somehow gets a check.
Her office defended the record, pointing to millions spent on housing, addiction, transportation, education, equity, climate, outreach, studies, boards, task forces, and other words that look great in a PDF and worse next to a ditch full of shopping carts.
Critics say that’s the problem. Oregon keeps buying ladders and calling it a roof.
At press time, Kotek was preparing a bold response: acknowledging concerns, launching a review, thanking stakeholders, and bravely promising results just as soon as the next emergency gets renewed.
Satire disclaimer: This is satire. If it sounds like Oregon government, take that up with Oregon government.
Follow The Coostucky Chronicle before Salem studies whether laughing needs a permit
Tina Kotek Shocked To Learn Oregonians Have Windows
SALEM — Governor Tina Kotek was reportedly stunned this week after learning some Oregonians don’t love the current Oregon experience.
Staff said the confusion is understandable. Kotek has declared emergencies, extended emergencies, funded plans, formed groups, hired people, renamed things, and stood behind enough podiums to make a normal person assume something got fixed.
Then voters looked outside.
There were tents. Needles. Fees. Potholes. Failing schools. Tax bills. Stolen catalytic converters. And a state government acting like it just got here and found the place this way.
Kotek was especially surprised rural Oregon isn’t impressed, since Salem has made a real effort to mention “rural communities” before handing the keys back to Portland.
At this point, she might as well wear a NASCAR jacket covered in sponsor patches: Portland, PERS, DMV, ODOT, DEQ, “Stakeholders,” and some mystery nonprofit nobody voted for but somehow gets a check.
Her office defended the record, pointing to millions spent on housing, addiction, transportation, education, equity, climate, outreach, studies, boards, task forces, and other words that look great in a PDF and worse next to a ditch full of shopping carts.
Critics say that’s the problem. Oregon keeps buying ladders and calling it a roof.
At press time, Kotek was preparing a bold response: acknowledging concerns, launching a review, thanking stakeholders, and bravely promising results just as soon as the next emergency gets renewed.
Satire disclaimer: This is satire. If it sounds like Oregon government, take that up with Oregon government.
Follow The Coostucky Chronicle before Salem studies whether laughing needs a permit
##### The Coostucky Chronicle ntoSepdosr9a79m3h1hf49i48c80626hgmh265aa15m99u7lu0hc08i99t1g ·
Tina Kotek Shocked To Learn Oregonians Have Windows
SALEM — Governor Tina Kotek was reportedly stunned this week after learning some Oregonians don’t love the current Oregon experience.
Staff said the confusion is understandable. Kotek has declared emergencies, extended emergencies, funded plans, formed groups, hired people, renamed things, and stood behind enough podiums to make a normal person assume something got fixed.
Then voters looked outside.
There were tents. Needles. Fees. Potholes. Failing schools. Tax bills. Stolen catalytic converters. And a state government acting like it just got here and found the place this way.
Kotek was especially surprised rural Oregon isn’t impressed, since Salem has made a real effort to mention “rural communities” before handing the keys back to Portland.
At this point, she might as well wear a NASCAR jacket covered in sponsor patches: Portland, PERS, DMV, ODOT, DEQ, “Stakeholders,” and some mystery nonprofit nobody voted for but somehow gets a check.
Her office defended the record, pointing to millions spent on housing, addiction, transportation, education, equity, climate, outreach, studies, boards, task forces, and other words that look great in a PDF and worse next to a ditch full of shopping carts.
Critics say that’s the problem. Oregon keeps buying ladders and calling it a roof.
At press time, Kotek was preparing a bold response: acknowledging concerns, launching a review, thanking stakeholders, and bravely promising results just as soon as the next emergency gets renewed.
Satire disclaimer: This is satire. If it sounds like Oregon government, take that up with Oregon government.
Follow The Coostucky Chronicle before Salem studies whether laughing needs a permit
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